Things I Never Said

I totally realize I haven’t posted in a while…like two months. I’ve been going through a little bit of a personal remolding time. I like that word “remolding” because it’s like I know the foundation of the person I am, but I know there are things I want to reform and change and that’s exactly what I’m allowing myself to do right now. Going through this period of my life has made me really appreciate these things and, normally, I would be bitter and resent this time, probably want to rush through it as quickly as possible, but I feel blessed to be able to see the world through this lens right now.

When I got into bed last night, I had this burst of perfectly balanced emotions where I realized how many things I love that I didn’t even know about myself and I’ve found them through this remolding and it’s so nice to enjoy my own company.

That’s the beauty about right now. We get to learn who we are and who we want to be. We get to learn what makes our absolute being happy. We get to learn what path we are on and what that path is made ofThink about it. What is yours made of? Are you walking on stone? dirt? glitter? glass? Are there trees or fog in your way or is it wide open? Do you want to change it? Do you want to start on a new path completely? Well, here’s your chance. The world is entirely before you.

Anyways, back to my moment, these are my new found happies.
I love being by myself. I love being free. I love the idea of not answering questions..just learning the answers. So many inquiries as to “what’s next?” I love living in the now and just leaving it simply unanswered. I love choosing whatever I want to do next and learning to go with the natural flow of life. Things are going to happen whether I make them a big production or not, so why waste valuable energy? I love not planning now. I love that my soul and my temple is being rebuilt.

I love the feeling of a workout and putting good health back into my body. I love the smell of a candle while reading a thought-provoking book (Buddhist Bootcamp by Timber Hawkeye, currently). I love the feeling of best friends just being next to you..or down the street..or in the same state, now. (: I love the feeling of lying on a yoga mat in Balasana (child’s pose) and breathing in every ounce of positive energy I can find. I love having nothing to do and I love having everything to do at the same time. I love reading poems by John O’Donohue. I love finding the good in the simple things of the day and finding the small things to celebrate each day, even if it’s just that I woke up that morning. I love giving people a reason to smile, even if I can’t necessarily find one for myself at that moment.

I love sleeping in big beds alone. Not to say that waking up next to the person whose soul I am enamored with is not completely fulfilling, but there are so many years for that. Or maybe there are not. But all I know it right now, I love this bed. And these songs. And these intangible feelings. And this life I am building for myself.

 

All through your life your soul takes care of you.
Your soul is alive and awakened, gathering, sheltering,
Guiding your ways and days in the world.
In effect, your soul is your secret shelter.
-John O’Donohue

Al

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